projectswoll

I work at a bakery.

I've been there since last September. In that time I have eaten so many croissants, pastries, cakes, and cookies that you would think I'd be sick of them. I'm not.

At the same time, I have been living in my first cold city (Boston) with a real winter. I have no money and hated the snow and don't get out much. Compared to the last four years, in which I was, overall, extremely active, and last summer, where I was running, rollerblading, partying and generally living life to the fullest in a paradise of California climate and social heaven, this year has been a disaster in diet, exercise and just getting out of the house.

This has left me disgusted with my eating habits, appalled at my body for the first time in my life and bored out of my mind.

My body revolution is currently a collection of basic common sense but will hopefully evolve into a stricter and more effective regime.

These are some of the changes I have come up with so far:

1. Eat breakfast.

I'm really bad at this, I'm not hungry in the morning and I hate waking up.

2. No more sweets.

Anything that constitutes as dessert, I am not allowed. No candy, cake, pie, cookies, icecream, etc. The first morning of my new diet (four days ago) I was in the action of reaching for a tin of cookies. I was going to grab a handful to stuff in my purse for breakfast. I had to tell myself, "This is what we no longer do." How sad.

3. Run three times a week.

The Boston Globe published a huge spread on running (the Marathon was today) and I'm going to use their basic plan to start running. Running is free and super-effective for weight loss. I will run like the wind.

4. Drink water.

Oh, how I hate water. I love coffee and Mountain Dew and Jack Daniels. I'm not going to give up my Jack, but I can drink more water daily and replace a lot of the phosphorous and caffeine I keep pumping into myself with good hydrating substances.


This is all I have for now. I'm going to get a bathroom scale and some measuring tape and borrow Sara's camera, and weigh/measure myself and take horrifying photographs of my pasty, Moby Dick-esque body. After having a drink to steady my nerves I will post these and try to work out some way of measuring myself weekly so I can mark the progress.

I will also be making positive motivation posts. These are some of the things I will be looking forward to:

1. Getting new clothes.

One of my main reasons for wanting to lose weight is clothing. Clothing is designed for size 0-2. If I had to guess, I'm a size 8, I think. I don't know. I have mostly juniors sized pants that are a 7, but I have some size 6 pants that I think fit fine as well. Maybe I'm a 10. I'm not sure at all.

Either way, I want a frame where I can wear whatever I want and have it fit pretty perfectly. I haven't bought new clothes in eons, so I will hopefully be able to justify spending the money when I feel I am at a good size that I want to stay at. It would not be a good investment to get a new wardrobe while I feel like a bloated sea lion.

2. Being able to run faster and feel more muscular.

I was always really active as a kid and I feel I am getting to the point where my muscles will atrophy if I don't use them more. I like active outdoors type things. Leaving California made me want to conquer my fear of the ocean and learn to surf, and you need to be fairly fit for things like that.

3. Not feeling like I'm letting my youth slip away into an oblivion of donuts and wasted opportunity.

I have a functioning, young and unrenewable body right now and I am wasting it on baked goods and cigarettes. I am not really good at being a female in the classic sense. I have a very mercenary kind of approach to life and people in a way that is perceived as more masculine than feminine, and I don't let my emotions call a lot of shots, but I think I have my own special biological clock.

In this case, my biological is telling me to go out there and sow my wild oats, so to speak. I don't want to get married or pregnant (god forbid I have a child) but I know that right now I am in my physical prime and pretty soon it's going to all go downhill. This leads us to the next reason:

4. Being able to pull hotter sex partners.

Oh, this should be number one. I'm naturally lazy when it comes to sex partner selection and I know in my heart of hearts that I can do better a lot of the time, but I go for people who are convenient and make me feel good about myself, which is a narcissistic cycle of doom. I feel like if I felt like I put some effort into my appearance, I could not only get hotter people but feel more confident going after them. I want to fuck some guy with a six pack and the works and I want to feel like he's lucky to be getting some of me.

In short, I want this to want me.




A lofty goal, but I'm sure that with the miracles of diet and exercise, a decent haircut and a few other changes I can do/feel a lot better for/about myself.


Those are the things I'm looking forward to. I've only been on this diet thingy since Thursday or so, but already I am making progress. I've been good about eating, except Saturday night when I had no dinner and fourteen alcoholic beverages (also known as "a shit ton of Jack"). But I figure I threw up at least some of those so my calorie count is still within a good range of the ideal.

No, I'm not stupid, I know that alternately starving and ossifying my body is not the way to become healthy OR lose weight.

But it was a smashing good time, what I remember, and I am not going to forbid myself from smashing good times. That's what all this deprivation and self-discipline is for, after all.

It's late and I have to sleep, but I at least got this down in the blog, which is more than I thought I was going to do tonight.

I'm a perfectionist with a broken self-control button, so I usually end up procrastinating things until they become impossible. I have developed a knack for self-sabotage and honed my skill of redeaming myself in the final hour but not ever been able to stick to one thing long enough to make it a habit. (Other than smoking, that is.) But I am going to do this shit whether I like it or not, and whether or not it's being done perfectly or ends up being half-assed.

That's what I have to tell myself in order to get anything done.

Finally, I plan to post pictures for inspiration here every time I update.

The first person to make the cut is Scarlett Johansson, who is perfect as far as I can see and I want her. Or want to be her. One or the other. I don't care to figure it out right now.

Here's a photo. Oh, and a quote from her, because she is adorable.



There is no magic wand to wave over oneself to look good in a latex catsuit. Eating healthy and getting fit is about commitment, determination, consistency and the dedication to self-preservation.

Awwww.